“What do you want to be when you grow up?” he asked.
“Famous,” replied my 5 year old self.
I’m not so sure that my neighbor was prepared for that answer judging from the look on his face. A combination of worry and amusement crossed his face and his eyes twinkled and he said, “Really? How will you do that?”
I admit, my 5 year old self hadn’t thought about how — I just had the destination in mind. I figured famous people had pretty much whatever they wanted and no one made them eat cucumbers either.
Nearly 40 years later and I’m still thinking about that 5 year old’s vision of fame. And fortune. I admit, I listened to the well-meaning friends, mentors and adults who told me that I should have a “fall-back” plan and not put all my eggs in the acting and writing basket that I so desperately felt called to. I didn’t trust my vision and foundered around plenty of time in “good enough jobs” and “practical pursuits.”
Once in a while I’d see an acquaintenance from high school or college in a movie or published in a magazine and I’d see a glimpse of a life very different from my own. It was a life of someone who pursued their dream-vision without taking time out to build a back up plan.
What was the difference between them and me?
I think the key difference is exactly the penalty of the Apollo star – - fear OF rejection. It’s the fear of being on stage and being laughed at. Or the fear of being left out of the group because of an unrelenting pursuit of your craft. It’s also a lack of discipline and an inability to focus concretely on the outcome.
I’d convince myself that I didn’t really fit in with the artists and writers and actors. That I wasn’t (pick one) tall enough, creative enough, pretty enough, smart enough, good enough at memorization, etc. I decided that if I wanted to fit in and have a “normal” life, I’d need to put aside those crazy creative ideas and dreams of being famous and do something practical, somehting respectable.
What happens though is that the creative self will always find a way to assert itself. And when you’re not concentrating on positive creative outlets, some of the things it comes up with can be downright rebellious. It’s picking the most bizarre outfit to wear to your cousin’s wedding, just because you need to be noticed. It’s taking the contrary viewpoint on any topic simply for the fun of ruffling feathers and standing out as an individual. It’s also taking over groups and organizations with your constant spotlight-grabbing personality.
That’s why the Apollo star appears — to remind you that you are called to the spotlight in a big way. That it’s imperative for you to step out and be seen and heard, so that you can make an impact on a large enough stage. But of course, it’s a gift marking — it’s there because you’re probably suffering the consequences – like those described above. You’ll find the Apollo star on the mount of Apollo, directly below your ring finger. It can be a neat 6 pointed asterisk or it can be a messy 7 or 8 pointed one, however, when you have it, you better start finding your stage and saying yes to opportunities to use your creativity and claim your stage, lest you find yourself mired in frustration – or worse – annoying those around you by your constant “drama queen” persona.
With my Apollo Star I’m learning to find positive ways to step out bigger and touch others with my gifts and my dreams. I’m finding ways to encourage others to find their stage as well. It turns out that my quest for “fame” has morphed a lot in the last 40 years and it has the most to do with helping ohters claim their fame too. I’m learning to recognize when I’m downplaying my creativity and when I’m overplaying the drama. I’m finding out that I can create my own space of belonging and that I don’t have to be confused about my calling. That it’s perfectly fine to step into the spotlight and shine it on someone else.
That’s the real gift. Learning to own the power of the star.
Do you have an Apollo Star? Do you know someone who has one? What do you think about Fame and Forgune in the Spotlight? Share with us in the comments – I love hearing from you!