Category Archives: writing

Letting it all hang out

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I haven’t been writing because I’ve been holding myself accountable to a standard and an expectation that is, primarily, in my own head.

I seem to make up rules about what you want.  I make up rules and standards that are a little tough for any mere human to hold to.  Lately those rules have been about what I can and cannot write here on my blog.

Because I’ve gone to the seminars, read the books, invested in the blogging tools and lessons and I’ve found myself frozen.  This is a LOT like I felt when I started taking serious horseback riding lessons.  Or when I started actually studying English.  All the things that came naturally to me just sort of went >>>PPFFFFTTT!<<< and I froze.

The good news is, eventually the rules that were necessary (like the ones that helped me stay on the horse while going over a jump) became second-nature.  And the rules that were meant to hold me back just flit away.  They’re filed somewhere in the mental “nice to know in case of a trivia contest” file in my mind.

The bottom line is – I like to write.  Hell, I love to write.  I like to write how I talk and I like to share thoughts, ideas and even some fears and questions that are on my mind.  I may be outgoing, but I’m still an introvert, so I like the freedom that putting my thoughts out here can give me – to build a community and to meet new, funny and brilliant people — all from the comfort of my messy desk in my own home.

I’m just not into confining myself when it comes to posting.

Of course, I want to write about hands, and wellness, but sometimes I want to write about transformation, fear and lying.  And I don’t always have all the answers.  I have a great deal of questions and a ton of interest in seeking peace and solutions.

Mostly, I want this to be a forum and place to gather, think and muse.  And, if you decide you want to learn more about working with me, that’s awesome too. I’m blessed with a busy schedule, tremendous clients and a growing business.  But it’s not because I stick to a format or formula here.  It’s because in my heart of hearts I know you have your own best answers, even if, as is so often the case for me – they seem hidden from view.

In other words, I don’t want to be your guru, I want to be your guide.  I want to share what I’ve found that works and I want to ask you for help when I need it.

Phew…

Feels good to get that cleared up.

Now that you know I’ll be sharing more of my world with you, I hope you’ll enjoy what shows up.  I know I will!

Peace,

Peggie

Slow Going

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365/365 TTFN *Explored*

Creative Commons License photo credit: -mrsraggle-

It’s been slow going on the front end-public face of this site, eh?

The miraculous thing is that I’m giving myself permission to take as long as it takes to move forward with this web presence project.

I’m also giving myself permission to write more essays and insights and stories and musings.  That’s the way I work and the way I think and the way I heal.  It’s a lousy formula for marketing and selling stuff though.

Tough noogies.

The Divine Intelligence  has been giving me much food for thought lately, and I’ve been writing about it in my personal journals but not sharing it – because that’s not what business people do.  And heck I love being a person of business.

Still my truth is this — my life and my business are connected.  There is not one part of me that can stand without the other.  It’s impossible for me to move forward in business if I am not applying what I learn in my life and spiritual quest and vice versa.

While I’m a big believer in signs, I’m also a believer in reality.  I don’t go hunting for signs at every turn (that just makes me think of John Nash and his beautiful mind) but after facing challenges or confrontations a few times I’m smart enough to sit back and look for the sign in the challenge.  That’s where the healing begins for me.  I’m hoping that you might benefit from that wisdom too.

Here are the recent messages I’ve received/reconnected with:

  1. I came across my notes from a reading back in 2007 with the gracious, wise and oh- so gifted Vernon Mahabal .  He noted that the years leading up to my 49th birthday were to be spent focused on learning and writing.  He specifically stated, repeatedly, if my notes are any indication, that while business is fine for me during this time frame, it is on the back burner. Today I’m 46 years old.  This says to me that I have a ton more learning to do before my new teachings are to be launched.  Back then I hoped he was wrong.  I sufficiently shut out his wisdom enough to beat myself up about not having “time” for learning and building a big business.  Now I feel at ease and am prepared to spend the majority of my energy learning and teaching (that’s one of the ways I learn best).  From there, the business will grow.  Not the other way around.
  2. I was gifted an extraordinary trip with 3 girlfriends to a very small village and lovely resort in Mexico.  For some reason before the trip I was all stopped up and stressed.  I worried about it being Mexico (the State Department isn’t keen on Americans being there), I worried about flying home to the States on the 10th Anniversary of the attack on the Pentagon, World Trade Center and more, I worried about not running my business effectively.  In short, I was a basket case.  I couldn’t shake the feeling of not wanting to go.  When I resolved to go and finally arrived I was still antsy.  Then I took off my shoes and walked on the gold-flecked beach and heard a small voice that insisted, “You are worthy of gifts. All you have to do is say yes to receive and you will be completely worthy.”  Ahh. Gracias.
  3. My sweetheart owns two cars.  I have one.  He got the second car because his first one died.  again.  The engine needs to be replaced.  His second car runs, but needs some serious work to be 100%.  He’d been driving my car (the energy efficient one) to and from his workplace about an hour and a half from home.  When I returned from Mexico he called me from work to say that the car had died.  I went to get him and we’ve been living on borrowed time with his second car since.  The thing is, over the 4 years we’ve been together he’s had car troubles, often leaving me at home in a fairly non-bus-metro-friendly neighborhood without a car.  I sat one morning in meditation and asked about this.  The answer?  “Until you are clear on your destination the vehicle doesn’t matter.”  Yes, my Higher Self talks like this — leaving as many questions and possibilities as there are answers.

So  now, I look at these three pieces and know that my work is to pay more attention to my big WHY here on Earth.  To learn more about the mysteries of interconnectedness of Earth and Nature and Guides and Angels and intuition and to write about them in a way that makes sense for helping others connect with their big WHY.

I’ve always known that the difference between Excellent and Exceptional was tied to the WHY and that the goal for each of us is to focus on our destination with unwavering faith.  I’ve gotten a bit away from that in trying to massively grow my business.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m in business.  And I’m still working with the most amazing, gifted women on the planet and will continue to do so.  The money however is not the driving WHY in my life.  The ability to be a pioneer and a sage and impart ancient wisdom in new and unique ways to helps others — that’s the WHY.

In the coming weeks and months I promise to share what I learn with you and give you all the access you can handle to the ancient tools that can help you in a modern world.  Sound good?

If any of this resonates with you – share your story in the comments – okay?

 

In Which I Tear Apart a Silly Story

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Picture Books
Creative Commons License photo credit: Enokson

I’ve been not writing.

I mean.  I’ve been writing.  But I’ve been trying so damn hard to make sure my writing is relevant that I may as well be not writing.

I want to write about what it means to be adopted and have no family history and how you can tell that story any way you see fit and it’s still a story and it’s still a place that allows you to leap forward or hold yourself back.

For instance, my story used to be:

“I can do ANYTHING because I don’t have any inkling of any family history that says I can’t.”  I used to tell myself that story so often that I tried just about anything once (and sometimes more than once) because you know, I didn’t have a family history of alcoholism, or abuse, or obesity or eating disorders or heart disease, etc. “

My story about doing anything also included becoming the President of the United States, a professional musician and an accomplished journalist and author.  (Although with all the birth certificate BS abounding, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to make the run for President.  Yeah.  That’s the ONLY reason.)

I didn’t have any family history saying, “We’re farmers, or linesman or miners or lawyers.” I didn’t have any family business that I had to step into and that allowed me the freedom to explore.

Oddly the other side of that story was always, “you better hightail it out of here first, because no matter what, this relationship is going to END.  And it’s going to end badly.“  That part of my story kept me on the surface in every relationship in my life (including with my family, friends, colleagues, lovers, husbands and more).  In fact, the only relationships I ever poured my heart and soul into were with my pets.

The final part of the story also included relief.  I had REASONS I wasn’t like anyone in my family, except my brother, who coincidentally or not was also adopted.

Now my story is less dramatic but no less important.

I can do anything but I need to figure out WHY I want to do it, for me, not because some story says it’s so.

With or without a family history of any disease it’s probably a good idea to pay a little more attention to this vessel I call my body ( apparently I did come with an index card warning that my biological family had a history of high blood pressure, so there’s that).

My story is something that I’m willing to revisit and it’s ever evolving.  Because in order to have a story, I have to live it and most of the time, I have to let go of whatever story I was holding onto, white-knuckled, up until this point.

Letting go of the “people will leave and hurt you” story has been hard. Having that story helped me try harder, push more boundaries and build up a tough-but-sweet persona that’s served me well.  That story is the reason I pushed the limits, strove for #1, wrote my own rules, and refused to settle for less than in relationships, careers and even my educational pursuits.  That story is how I got to be who I am.

That story also lent itself to undue heartache, more than few tattered feelings and a sense of isolation and loneliness that is nearly impossible to explain to anyone who hasn’t lived it.

To this day I am amazed at people who wake every day into their lives believing/knowing that simply being them is enough.  That they don’t worry and bemoan every misspoken word, or crossed brow on the faces of their family as a sign that they are no longer lovable or worthy is a constant source of enlightenment.

I’ve heard it said over and over again (and I’ve been known to say it too) “you are already perfect,” yet deep in the soles of my feet I’m not sure what that looks or feels like.  Yet, when I watch a teen disagree with her parent and see in both their eyes that it’s all going to be okay I’m flabbergasted. (I feel like a sociologists viewing a never-before tribe of people when I see this!)

Even when I was a teen, and having my own growing pains and arguments, I had an uneasy, queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that “this will be the time that I have to leave.”

I have friends who insist that this is “normal” and of course I know many people who did, in fact, leave.  But none left over a fight about a messy room.   (Just to set the record straight, my parents were normal, loving, Ozzie & Harriet type people who raised me in loving home where I didn’t want for much of anything and they never gave me any indication that my love from them was conditional in any way, shape or form.  This is MY story, not theirs.)

I created a story that made anything less than perfect (grades, friends, activities, job) a complete failure. In wracking my brain I cannot find any true indicator that this was a story told to me by my parents or grandparents.  I watched members of my extended family create all kinds of pain and heartache in the family and yet, they always were welcomed home, and I wondered how that could be – it was so alien to my story.

At the crux of my story is the (manufactured by me) fact that I was born, “less than.” That the act of being conceived started everything in a downward spiral for one (probably) very scared girl and one (maybe) defiant guy.  I’ve dug into the story for so long that I can hear the arguments, feel the heaving sobs and ‘remember’ the shouting and the longing and the fear in that household my biological mother shared with her parents and 7 siblings.

I recognize her fear in my own.  That this, I, was a major disgrace.

This isn’t mean to be a boo-hoo story.

But it is a story.

This is the way our stories are.  They live with us.  They are 3-D and they are real and tangible.  No amount of cajoling or admonishing or coaching or even therapy changes the story until we’re willing to ask ourselves questions about the story. Until we’re willing to explore the possibility that the story can be turned upside down and retold.

It’s only a story but it also is the framework of our life.

Our stories are meant to be recognized and our stories are meant to grow and change.  Unlike fairytales there is not one, rote ending. When you read a story to your kids that begins, “Once upon a time“,  you know precisely how it’s going to end and so do your kids after the 15th retelling.

Your life story does not have a rote ending.  Not everyone who was born poor ends up a destitute drug addict any more than she ends up ruling the world as a multi-billionaire philanthropist. Our stories’ endings are complete mysteries!

Our stories are meant to help us to evolve and to heal.

So what’s your story?

This is what I’ve been longing to write about. It’s at the heart of everything I do.  You can only unearth and implement your purpose when you are willing to revisit your stories.  So maybe it is relevant afterall.

How can you change your story?

I don’t have Your Answers

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Creative Commons License photo credit: Ffîon

I don’t have your answer.

I can’t fix what’s wrong with your love life, your mother-in-law or your business.

There’s no way I can force you to change your story, rework your messaging or put your butt in a chair to write your book or lesson plan.

So why do I bother?

I mean, why write a blog anyway?  Why build an ever-growing coaching business for people who want to change the world?  Why get out of bed in the morning and sit at the computer instead of eating thin mint cookies and watching Lifetime?

Hope.

Hope that what I do makes a difference, for me, and as an extension for you.

I hope that when I find myself pounding on a brick wall of self-defeatism, fists bruised and bloody I can come out with something usable – that I can share with you – so that you don’t have to beat yourself up on the same wall, in the same way.

I hope that I can guide you to see that you have your own answers, and that by trusting your intuition, you’ll find them.

Sure, there are lots of people who can guide you to finding your answers but they’re struggling too.  Not every day.  Not every moment.  But they’ve got “stuff” the same way you do.

It’s part of being human.

You might have a thriving business, that allows you to change lives on a regular basis, but your marriage is falling apart because you’ve forgotten to talk to each other – to change each others’ lives.

You might have a huge following on your blog, and hundreds of comments on a weekly basis, but you’re angry and fearful anytime you meet one of those commenters in person, almost resenting being found out to be human.

These are our stories.  These are my stories.  This is the truth of being alive.

If you want to write – write.  Write in your Pajamas, write after three margaritas or write on an empty stomach.  Write slowly and languorously or write like you’ve got a gun to your head.  Worry about punctuation or go completely James Joyce and stream-of-consciousness.

It doesn’t matter.  If you want to write, write.  Don’t talk about writing (but feel free to write about talking about writing!) and don’t wave your finger at someone else’s writing habits, or style or practice.  Just find the habit and the rhythm that works for you and go.

Or not.

When you were three or four years old you knew exactly who you were at all times.  You were funny.  You were the center of the universe.  Everything you encountered was endlessly fascinating.  Your brain went wild when something novel caught your attention.  That was before you were told that awe and wonder and universal centeredness wasn’t all that becoming.

Why not look inside to see what wonders astound you today?

I don’t have your answers.  You do.  This is the one thing I know for sure.  Wake up every day and allow yourself the space to trust your answers and see what happens.

Or not.  (It’s your call – I’m just hard-wired to think I know what you need – I’m a healer after all).

Do what speaks to you on the inside and the outside will catch up.

How about you?  Are you waiting for someone to give you the answers?  How are you at trusting yourself and following through?

UFOs and Knitting and Healing

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Almost FO's
Creative Commons License photo credit: knittygurl

Knitters talk about their basket of UFOs (Unfinished Objects) and that baffles me. Now that I’m a knitter. Or fancy myself a knitter.  Or at least someone with an overly strong addiction to pretty hand-made things in really touchable yarn.

This bafflement makes me realize I’m not REALLY a knitter.  How can I be?  I don’t have a basket full of UFOs!  I have (currently) 5 finished scarves, 4 completed hats (one’s a gift and she hasn’t opened it yet, so don’t tell her) and three blankets in various stages of completion.  Now before you go wagging your finger at me about these 3 currently unfinished blankets, I should let you know that one was started this morning.  One yesterday when we were without power and I was freezing and VERY motivated to have a warm cuddly blanket and the other, begun just last Sunday.

These are not unfinished objects.  I see them all completed before my birthday (That’s next Tuesday in case you want to send a gift or a cupcake!) and I’m obsessed with these being finished before I start anything else.

But what I do have stashed away in the virtual UFO basket?

Books.

Ebooks.

Workbooks.

Class outlines.

A couple of short stories.

A novel idea.

and more.

This is the UFO of the healer/teacher who wants to make a difference. This is the basket full of beautiful ideas, wise thoughts and informative tools.

Why have they been languishing?

Mostly because they were too general.

Let me restate that.  The tips and information are very specific in these books.  The problem was, the examples and anecdotes and vision to whom I was writing was fuzzy.

I couldn’t wrap my heart and head around completion because I wanted to deliver the book and lesson to the very most perfect person to receive them.  Like knitting.  I don’t want to knit cute 70′s-style cloche hats for EVERYONE – I love making them in perfect colors and perfect stylings for my favorite people.

I pick out yarn with my recipient in mind.  I select a pattern (or invent it in my head) with my sweet friend in mind.  I add an embellishment that will make my “rebel” friend laugh.  Every single piece of knitting that I do is created with a perfect recipient in mind.  In fact, I know what it will be when it’s done because I’ve got that picture of how happy my friend will be when she gets her gift.

That’s the step I missed with the ebooks.

I knew that the information could really help ALOT of people.  I knew that I wanted entrepreneurs, specifically, quirky, wise, animal-loving entrepreneurs to read the information and take action on it, because dammit my stuff is good and they would really love it and it would rock their world.

When I work one-to-one with a client, my entire being is focused on that person and helping them through their tough spots to where they want to be.  I shower them with personalized tools and action steps and it’s awesome!

Yet, up til now, when I’ve written an ebook I’ve thought of the themes and systems I use when working with my favorite clients and pull them together to create a more general book.    Which is fine.  But I haven’t finished many of them because I wasn’t sure who it would be perfect for. (I was ‘warm’ with the idea of yoga-loving, animal loving, entrepreneurial service type peeps).

As I review all the survey results, listen to the advice of my beloved advisers and check in with my own higher guidance I’ve regained clarity of WHO will love and adore the books and other products I create in the same way my friends adore their knitted goodies!

In fact, I’m so clear that healers deserve to live in abundance so that they can empower others to do the same, I’ve started the final editing process on a number of UFOs.   If you want the first one to be completed — subscribe to my ezine — where you’ll get regular tools and tips for helping yourself to achieve success and abundance on your own terms.  You’ll receive the 23 page ebook “7 Success Secrets for Healers” as a thank you.

And if you’re already a subscriber but want the ebook – just ask!  I’m happy to send it to you now that’s its free of the UFO virtual basket!