Category Archives: Relationships

Do You Know How to Let Go of What Ails Ya?

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Ever have a run-in with someone that leaves you feeling cranky and unsettled?

That happened to me in the  hospital.

For the most part everyone I dealt with  was not only professional, but really likable. The nurses and techs knew that they were stellar at their jobs and they performed professionally and with a great attitude. I trusted them all implicitly and the entire stay was working it’s magic of healing.

Then, Louise (not her real name) arrived and rocked my boat.

Louise was one of the techs in charge of taking my vitals and dealing with other things like changing my IV.  Louise entered my room on full throttle – asking questions about the books I had in front of me, wanting to know who all the people were who were visiting and generally telling me all about her plans to create various businesses for herself.

It was exhausting and a true energy suck.

I have no doubt that Louise is a great human and that she meant well.  I was sick and frankly not in the mood for working to make her feel at ease. (In an earlier meditation during my stay, I made some peace with the idea that trying to make everyone else comfortable had contributed to my illness.)

I did my best to keep up with her patter but mostly just nodded as she cuffed me for a blood pressure reading and stuck a thermometer under my tongue.  My blood pressure was spiking.  She kept talking, telling me all about blood pressure and all that she knew about blood pressure and then asking me about starting a business.

I was exhausted when she left.

Later that night she arrived, with a bucket of gauze, needles and tape and announced she was going to change my IV. (I’d asked my nurse earlier about switching it out).

I’ll save you the details, but this process did not go well.

I was in pain and I was irritated.  I asked her to leave the IV as it was.

She left, frustrated.

I tried to sleep.

I was still irritated and angry about the whole situation.

I said a prayer asking for the peace I needed to release this situation.  I sent light and love as I did my best to mentally cut the cord that had me wrapped up in the frustration.

Still, I couldn’t sleep. I just couldn’t seem to let it go.

This went on for about 40 minutes when it finally occurred to me that the frustration would remain until I tuned into the lesson I was meant to learn.

So I focused on learning.

What could this situation with Louise possibly have to offer me?

“It’s about standing in your power.” said my Higher Self.

It made perfect sense.

Up until that moment I had dealt with healers of all ilks who were not only competent but confident in their contribution to my healing. They knew their stuff and they didn’t expect me to question their competency.  I trusted them implicitly to help me heal.

That’s what I’m supposed to do as a coach.  Stand in my power, knowing the stuff and being confident that what I offer is not only of value, but healing for those who come to me.

Lately though, I’d been like Louise, unsure of what I was doing or why and it was affecting my relationships with potential clients. I wasn’t standing in my power, I was trying to entertain and WOW and one-up, and prove myself.

The lesson for me was that I know what I know and I know how powerful the work is. That it stands for itself as it flows through me and I don’t need to do anything other than be fully present and competent and compassionate to make a difference in someone’s life.

Once I captured that lesson, I did another cord-cutting meditation.  Asking for peace for both Louise and myself and I let it go with light.

I slept easily after that and the next day when Louise was back on shift, things were much less tense.

Two really cool take aways came from that for me:

1) When there’s something you really are trying to release, but it won’t go away – go looking for the lesson

2) When you sign up to help others on their journey (spiritual, business, healing, etc.) do it confidently and from the place of love and joy. Stop worrying about proving yourself – it’s exhausting for everyone!

 

Your Choice DOES Make a Difference

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I know I said that what you do is up to you.  That doesn’t stop me from wanting the best for you.  Or what I perceive to be the best for you.

And then I realize that my beliefs are formed by my actions, my choices and my experiences.  Every experience I’ve ever had, good or bad, enlightening or blood-sucking has been a result of a choice I made.

Yes.  Even the times when I hedged and did my best to avoid making a choice, I still made a choice.  Funny that.

My experience has shown me that every choice I make affects everything and everyone around me.  Not that I have super mind-bending powers and have a magical way of making people do things the way I want (don’t I wish!)  It’s just that when I really believe in my bones and my cells that my day is going to go a certain way, it does.

Here’s a perfect example – when I get in my car – whether to drive a few blocks or a few hours I set an intention that every other person on the road around me is a safe and joyful driver.  I intend to be surrounded on the highways by good people, doing the best driving they can at that time.  It seems to make a difference.  Every time I need to merge into traffic on a busy highway, or find my way through a new neighborhood, I have the ability to do so with ease and grace.  No more honking, shouting and finger-giving since I started this practice.

Does this mean I’ve used some mind-control to affect all the hundreds (thousands?!) of people on the highways with me?  Nope.  I just see what I choose to see.

Trust me, I’ve had more than my share of horrid times on the road – all of them started out with the thought that “this is going to be horrible drive.”  I used to psych myself out so much before I even got on the road that I couldn’t  imagine a trip being any other way.  And yes, I know I learned this particular practice from my Dad.  I also know that he’ll love me just the same if I decide to believe the highways are good to me.

When I say you have a choice I am not so SECRETLY  hoping you’ll choose things that are in your best interest.  Because your best interest is much like my best interest.  And our best interest is in the best interest of the planet and the population as a whole.

When we choose from a place a compassion and love (for ourselves first) it is infinitely easier to change the world for the better.  Your choice doesn’t have to be massive or global (although it can be). Your choice simply has to be heartfelt and whole.  If you have a choice to gossip;  to cut someone off in traffic; or to mindlessly order a not-so-happy-meal for the kids when the grocery store is right next door – take three minutes and reflect on the ripple effect of the choice.  Three minutes won’t break your pace for the day and it will give you the opportunity to choose what makes YOU feel best.

This is about you.  When you choose what really, deep in your heart, feels good – you win.  And so do I.

See how the circle works?

Have a super choice-filled day!

Who’s In Charge?

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Things are happening around me.

I’m talking big, life-altering stuff.  For one second conjure up whatever you consider to be LIFE CHANGING in terms of events.

  • Weddings
  • Divorce
  • Death
  • New life
  • Losing jobs
  • Finding jobs
  • Moving
  • Graduation
  • Illness
  • Disease
  • and more!

 

All of that is currently happening.

Sure. It happens every day on this planet.  But not always to people in my most innermost circles.

None of it is happening to me though.

I had to remind myself of this fact the other day.

All the angst and worries and upset stomachs and headaches in the world aren’t going to make a darn bit of difference for the people in  my life in the midst of these life changes.

Still, I’m trying to control it.  From my little cyber station here at home.  I’m praying and thinking and yes, even worrying, about all these things.

As though it will affect outcomes.

Yep.  Me.  I insist that to move ahead in our spiritual journey on Earth, we must release our attachment to outcomes.  I’m attaching.  To outcomes.  Outcomes, that although I love and adore the people in my life, do not actually affect me.

I’m sharing this with you because you might not realize that you’re doing this too.  Holding onto someone else’s worries and fears, their hopes and aspirations.  You might be clenching your teeth worrying about a friend’s new relationship, or a child’s recent graduation.  It’s not you though.

You can let it go.

What helps in times like this is simply reminding yourself that each of those people you love have their own connection to the Divine.  That they have a particular set of things to learn and to teach in this world, and no amount of worrying by you is going to change that.

I’m not saying it’s easy.

I’m simply saying it’s not about you.

Let’s do this together – release the need to control the outcome.

Let them grow and find their way.

Be present to them, listen without talking and let them evolve as they will.  It may not be what you would do or what you think they should do – but if you love them – trust that what’s happening is perfect just the way it is.

 

What’s the Cost of Being a Private Person?

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Heart lines have bucketloads of information just waiting to be understood and examined.  I’m in the process of launching a series a videos (free, btw) all about how Heart Lines really “work” in our lives.

It’s not all about romance and roses – to me, heart lines are the central focus of how we ARE in the world.  Our heart lines determine how we communicate, how we react to others’ communication and of course how we express ourselves.

I’ve long considered myself a very outgoing yet PRIVATE person.  I can talk your ear off about just about any topic that I’m jazzed about, but when it comes to really talking about how I feel — I’m quick to dance around the topic and put the spotlight back on you.  This trait is shared by a number of my nearest and dearest friends.  I guess it’s true that “like attracts like.”

You might ask, “If you’re all so guarded, how can you really consider yourselves friends?”

Over the years (close to 20 now) we’ve built up trust in each other’s ability to hold our secrets dear and, for me at least, I’m learning that sharing what’s really going on — deep down – is definitely preferable than putting on a mask, faking it or carrying the weight of whatever the challenge may be all by myself.  You might say that in 20 years I’ve grown up.

What’s interesting is that my heart lines have slowly changed over the last 7+ years — from a very solid “Strong and Silent” or Hermit line on both hands to one with a little more curviness.  On my right hand, the heart line is starting stretch out into a Nurturer!

You see, a Strong and Silent heart line wants and craves privacy.  To feel safe, even in the most intimate relationships, someone with this heart line will crave plenty of solitude and ‘cave-time.’  If they find themselves in a career that calls for them to be open and social, they may need twice as much cave-time when they come home at night.  The combination of a Strong and Silent heart line and career that calls for “being on” leads to the phenomena that I refer to as “outgoing introvert syndrome.”

Not only did I have two Strong & Silent Heart lines, but I also have a life lesson (in other words I’m getting a PhD in the subject) around trust, intimacy and surrender issues.

Cool right?  I taught myself from a very young age to use my outgoing personality to avoid any in-depth or potentially ‘intimate’ conversations.  I’ve always craved cave-time and I spent years beating myself for getting close to people who hurt me.  All part of the PhD process though!

Nowadays, one of my favorite things to do is gather with my BFFs and talk and laugh.  And really share with each other.  We don’t let each other get away with deflections.  We return to the subject at hand and we simply hold space for each other to be fully present.

This is, of course, the work I do in my business.

However, when my business was challenged and I had a hard time attracting my perfect clients, I now realize it was due to my belief that honoring someone else’s privacy was more important than holding space for them to be vulnerable.  We always attract what we’re putting out to the world.  As long as I was withholding my truth, so were my clients and those who were attracted to me as potential clients.

When you enter into a relationship of any sort, the most scary thing for you (particularly if you have Strong and Silent heart lines) is to be fully open and vulnerable.  Still if you’re looking for breakthroughs and guidance – the only way through is in being vulnerable.

This privacy thing isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation.  You need to reflect on where you feel safe and where you don’t.  When you feel unsafe, spend some time in stillness and ask yourself what it would take to feel secure.  From there you can move forward.

What started my shift was my deep desire to make a true and lasting difference in the world.  One person and one animal at a time.  The still small voice that guides me gently pointed out that in order to make a difference in the world, I’d need to make a difference for me – and challenge my own fears of intimacy.  I had to let go of my belief that I was rude and out of line when I wanted to ask friends and clients what was TRULY happening with them.  I also had to be willing to find people I could trust and to share my truth with them.

The whole thing hasn’t been easy and I’ve definitely released information to the wrong people or shared more than necessary – but each time, I learn something.

I’m curious — do you consider yourself a private person?  How has that helped or hindered you in your life?  Share with me in the comments!

 

One of the things I’m Most Proud Of

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The thing I am MOST proud of in my life (this far) is my tender, funny, and passionate relationship with my soul-mate, Michael.  (that’s us at my baby sister’s wedding 2 years ago)

Before I met Michael I had a history of consistently dating the WRONG person. 

Over and over again.  I seemed to have been born believing that I didn’t deserve love and couldn’t trust anyone but myself.  So you know what I did?  I kept picking men that would prove that sad belief TRUE.

My challenges around relationships were so deep-seated that I even got married.  Twice.  (to different fellas, if you’re wondering).

After my first divorce I swore off marriage and dating.  I felt like a failure and damaged goods.  To top it off, I was also very much frozen in place by the belief that I had let people down by not “sticking it out” or “fixing” the problem.  I worried about him, his family, my family and even the slew of colleagues and friends of friends I ran into in our relatively small community.

While I knew in my heart that I’d done the right thing for myself I was feeling incomplete without a man in my life. 

You see, I’d been a ‘serial monogamist’ since falling for my first real boyfriend in 8th grade.  I was that girl who annoys the other girls by always having a boyfriend.  I told myself that I couldn’t help it – it wasn’t my fault if boys, and then men, found me attractive and good company.  The brutal truth was, I liked the attention more than I liked myself.  I’m definitely not the first woman who believed that her value only came from the opinions of others.  I could only see myself as beautiful, funny, smart and valuable through the eyes of a beau.

My second husband seemed nothing like the first.  Not only in looks but in demeanor, drive and passion.  I let myself believe that his dynamic personality would make up for the fact that I didn’t trust him.  I wanted to believe that his ability to provide and shower me with compliments and things was enough to make up for any cold feet that I might be having.

I convinced myself that my occasional sense that he wasn’t the right guy for me – was simply a result of my habit of picking the wrong guy.  My ability to trust my higher self was so out of whack that even though I had a strong desire to call off the wedding 6 weeks before the Big Day, I gave in when he called me on my reticence.  After all, I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

No wonder that marriage didn’t survive. 

Not only were we incompatible on many fundamental levels, but I had completely lost my sense of self.  I no longer trusted my intuition and barely listened to my own needs.  I looked to him for validation and when he withheld it I’d either get mad and resentful, or I’d become overly apologetic and obsequious.

After that divorce, I wanted to curl up into the fetal position and snuggle at home all day with my two dogs and my cat.  For better or worse, that wasn’t feasible.  I had a business to run.  I had people who depended on me.  So I pulled myself up and kept moving.

I realized that I was the common denominator in the failed marriages and all the various relationship disasters I’d had in my life.  I started to see the pattern in each relationship and I accepted my responsibility for creating that pattern.  And slowly, I got on board with the knowledge that to be loved, you must fully love yourself.

Rather than beat myself up I decided to regroup.  Emotionally and spiritually and physically. 

Unlike Elizabeth Gilbert, of Eat, Pray, Love fame, I didn’t have the opportunity to travel the world in search of clarity and healing.  Like Elizabeth Gilbert, I was willing to own my part in creating my life and to make a conscious effort to get to the bottom of the cycle.

In a year’s time, I walked myself through a process that healed me, allowed me to see my own value and opened the connection to my higher self.  Taking specific and daily steps to create love for myself resulted in attracting Michael into my life.

Now one of the things I do in my business is help other divorced women reconnect to their highest wisdom so that they can attract their perfect match.  We work together through the exact same process that I used myself to free up the place in their hearts for true, soul-mate love.

I’d love to provide you with the guidance you need as you transition in your committed relationship.  Why not subscribe to my ezine (use the box in the top right hand column)? You’ll get weekly insights, tips and guidance to help you connect with your purpose and passions, learn to recognize your own brilliance and find ways to serve yourself!