Category Archives: Success

The Big Secret About Coaching

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Worthiness.

Such a heavy word!

Recognizing your worth is apparent in your finances. Still your worth is much deeper. Fixing the money woes rarely happens in 30 or 60 day window. That’s because it’s hard to repair 10 years or more of self-doubt and self-negation in 30 or 60 days.

That’s not to say that breakthroughs don’t happen like lightening bolts – they often do. It is to say that the road to healing is sometimes a long one. The thing is – you’re on the road of life for as long as you get (and if you’re like me, you’re counting on a long one!) so you may as well start today with the healing and the steps to solvency.

Unfulfilling habits take hold and become routine much easier than the fulfilling ones. If you were told in 3rd grade you weren’t a good reader, or as pretty as Tammy or as smart as Bobby, then you could either shake it off (if you had a mom like Brene Brown, let’s say) or, you could have put it into your internal “self file.”

Depending on your level of self-confidence from an early age – supported by your parents and other important-to-you adults – you either added fuel to the “I’m not worthy | I’m not good enough” fire or you didn’t listen to anyone other than your inner truth that you are worthy beyond compare.

Because you’re here, I’m going to guess that you fall in one of two categories:

  1. Most of the time you feel pretty good and worthy. Nothing spectacular, but you don’t let anyone see you sweat and  you mostly have a really cool life and good people around you. Some of the time you feel worried that you’re not “keeping up” (in love or money) and you feel less-than those around you. You’d like to earn more money and you’d like to have deeper and more meaningful relationships.
  2. You feel like there’s a bit of a black cloud hanging overhead and no matter what you do, the Universe keeps smacking you back down – reminding you that you really aren’t special. Your relationships are dances of you trying to prove your worth, you being taken advantage of, and you constantly berating yourself for getting mad and angry at your partner, even when he/she berates you in front of the kids, yells at you constantly and more or less does everything he/she can to remind you that if it weren’t for him/her you’d be NOWHERE. Your business and finances run the entire realm of feast and famine and you are beginning to think it’s because you’re just not good enough.

If you’re struggling in finances, you’re likely suffering in some of your relationships too. They’re intertwined with you and your belief in your worth. The fix won’t come with another marketing quiz, a 30 day program or a 90 day package. The fix comes from within. Through guided work and heart-rending questions. It’s about breaking down your belief system that is not serving you and then rebuilding a new foundation based on holding yourself as a cherished being – because you are.

No matter how many times I TELL you that you’re valuable, until you can dig in and explore what value you believe you have – nothing will change.

We live in a time where we’re constantly comparing ourselves on social media (Am I grieving enough for Oklahoma? Did I say thank you to all the Warriors on Memorial Day? Did Susan think that I was sincere when I responded to her post about her bad day?). It goes on and on. And it’s a nightmare for people working to address their own self-worth issues.

These situations are potent for all of us and are particularly raw for anyone with a life purpose or life lesson on one or both of their Saturn (middle) fingers.

What can I say to make this better for you?

Likely nothing more than platitudes. But you have my word that I understand and I hear you and I see you.

While I cannot fix your self-worth questions and doubts in a reading, or a 90 day coaching program, I can be present to hold the space you need, and ask the questions that might be tough to hear. I can (and would gladly, proudly) spend time as you need it helping you to look in the mirror of where you are and where you want to be – holding your hand as you need it and strongly nudging you as you need it. For as long as it takes to get through the muck and to your value.

I guess the big secret here is this – there is no “quick fix” – and the more you’re looking for one – the more time it’s going to take to get to your center and truth. Profound changes take time – they happen in fits and starts and gradual changes to how you see yourself. Just like live, the evolution can be joyful and filled with brave leaps or it can be painful and ill-fitting.  The choice, as always, is yours.

 

Why Your Perfect Prospects Are NOT Buying

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Main Street #2

Your perfect people aren’t buying. That’s a fact that gets re-told every time you check your bank account. It’s a harsh reality and it breaks your heart, but there it is.

I’m not here to be Debbie Downer (especially on the cusp of a much-needed  holiday weekend in the US) but I am here to give you some ideas about why they’re not buying and what to do about it. Read this and ingest it. Let it seep through your psyche and your logical mind while you relax this weekend. Don’t get emotionally involved – just make a choice and go forward.

Your Perfect People are not buying because:

  1. You don’t know who they are. Not really. Sure you “help women in transition” or “empower people to find love” or “clear the clutter.” That’s great. And it’s vague. You see – everyone is in transition (that’s called life – if we’re not changing and growing we’re dying); and while many people claim to want to find love or ‘the one’ – they’re not convinced that it’s a life changing requirement at this time; and very few people who live with clutter even know where to begin- or if they want to -  for some the clutter is a protection, a convenient wall to hide their greatness or divinity, for others, they have clean houses but messy minds!  You get the picture. Now it’s time to get clear on your perfect people. Talk to them, understand them, and specialize in fixing, healing, empowering, teaching them precisely what it is that they must heal | fix | learn NOW.
  2. Your product or service doesn’t solve a pressing need. Here’s the thing, we all have stuff we’d be interested in exploring, curious about learning or intrigued about trying. However, curiosity and interest alone aren’t enough to mobilize us to sign up for the class and push the purchase now button. Move from sharing your knowledge in a “nice to know” manner to demonstrating the way it fixes a pressing need or heals an aching wound.
  3. Your service or product sales page and info preys on their fear. Although you want to identify your perfect people and present your solution in a way that speaks to their pressing need – you don’t want to focus on the fear factor. No one who buys out of fear really progresses and no matter what they’ll end up feeling resentful and frustrated every time they see your copy. Fear based selling leaves your perfect people feeling less than, left out and worried. Show them the possibilities, the way to get out of the pain they are in, but allow them plenty of opportunities to connect with you to learn more and to release their fears. An application process is a great idea if you have a big ticket program/service – this way you can determine whether the person applying is really your perfect fit and are coming from a desire for growth rather than fear of falling backward.
photo by: kevin dooley

Do You Feel Like You’re Drowning? 6 tips for Getting out of the Deep End

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... Shervin ...

How to Get out of the Deep End

Have you ever felt like you’re drowning, figuratively speaking, of course?

Between the headlines, the deadlines, the traffic and the shoulds and expectations in our world, you’d have to be otherworldly to never feel overcome and overwhelmed. I’ve been told that even highly spiritual people are overwhelmed with grief, suffering and doubts from time to time. So clearly,  you’re not alone if  even monks and other spiritual leaders are not exempt.

Knowing that you’re in good company not-withstanding wouldn’t it be nice to spend less time drowning (or treading water) and more time at peace in your life?

Life, our most precious gift, can sometimes morph into feeling like a curse – your mental, spiritual, emotional and physical faculties sometimes seem to conspire to keep us curled up in the fetal position, afraid to move, and angry at the world (or the Universe, or the people with whom we share our lives!)

If you feel like you’re drowning, here are some tips to get out of the deep end and onto shore:

  • Find the source. Is this a physical situation, an emotional one, a spiritual one or a mental challenge? Locate where the despair is living and face it.  This means you’ll need to spend some time with yourself. This can be done sitting still (no TV, no phone, no computer, etc) or out in nature (no phone, no walking partner, no doggies, just you, yourself and Mother Nature).  During your stillness let whatever you’re feeling arrive.
  • Let go of judgment. Our egos love for us to judge our feelings. Ego (Edging God Out*) likes to keep you off balance and struggling – the better to “protect” you by keeping you at the status quo. As your feelings or thoughts or repetitive inner “tapes” crop up, resist the instinct to quash them or to argue with them or to give them more wood for the fire. Simply let the feelings show up and pass on.
  • Discover the truth. As the feelings occur and your need to judge them or own them takes over – ask yourself, “Is this true?”  For instance, you might tell yourself, “I’m an AWFUL daughter, my Dad is sick and I haven’t been to visit him, he must hate me.”   Is it true? Are you an awful daughter? What would that mean? Go deep with this exercise until you find the truth.
  • Create the life you want. In your mind for now. This is probably the most potent exercises my clients use to move from where they are to where they want to be. Here’s how it works – instead of focusing on what you don’t want, start clarifying how you want to feel in the new and improved situation. Perhaps you cannot take another day in the life-sucking job that is quite literally making you sick. Instead of pulling out the classifieds or logging onto the job hunting sites, start imaging exactly how you want to FEEL in the new job. Get clear on the types of people you want to interact with each day, and how it feels to be doing your work. Do you want to be challenged intellectually? What does that feel like?  Keep imagining the new situation and make it as real as you can – then you can start looking, trusting that the Universe is conspiring with you to make it happen.
  • Write down your wins. Most of us spend an inordinate amount of free time focusing on what is going wrong and how it tags onto everything that’s gone wrong in the past. Instead, spend at least 15 minutes before hitting the pillow tonight writing down the things that went right. This doesn’t have to be a flowery recap of gratitude if that’s not your thing. This can be a bullet point list of 5 things that went right. Here’s an example from my recent list: 1) The irises finally bloomed; 2) Tick-free dogs;  3) Client breakthrough (finally) on her situation; 4) Planning call with L regarding retreat – should be a blast; 5) Dad’s responding well to chemo.  I like to keep the list to five things and I like to keep it short.  This process can change the way you sleep at night!  Put it into practice now.
  • Surrender your need to be in control. This is tough. We like to feel like we’re in control. When we worry about outcomes it feels like we’re ‘doing something’ and ‘taking charge.’  Truth be told, we’re only wearing down our bodies with stress.  Whether you grind your teeth, press your tongue into the back of your teeth or tap your foot incessantly – you’re adding more pressure to your body. This can be relieved when you realize that the bravest and strongest thing you can possibly do is let go of your need to be in control.  Surrendering is actually the sign of strength and wholeness you’ve been looking for.

So when you feel like you’re drowning, remember there’s always a life buoy close at hand. Take hold and make your way to shore!

* The first time I head the phrase “Edging God Out” in relationship to ego is while reading Wayne Dyer’s Wishes Fulfilled.

photo by: Hamed Saber

What do Your Want to be Known For?

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a short series on suicide. step 1: curiosity.

 

During this week’s Money Mojo Call I challenged listeners to get clear on what they want to be known for.  (If you want to hear the recording, go here.)

If you’re answer is “Life Coach” or “Reiki Master” or even “Mom” you’re not digging deep enough.

Being known, particularly as it relates to growing your business, is one of the single most important things you can do for your business. Being known allows you to attract Perfect Prospects and convert them into Perfect People, rather than focusing on desperately hunting down “targets” to rope into purchasing your product or service.

Being “known” doesn’t mean you have to be on the cover of Entrepreneur Magazine, or a guest on Super Soul Sunday (although if those are goals for you – keep shooting for them – you’ll get them sooner than you think).  Nope, being known is really about tapping into the unique combination of your purpose + your truth  + your skills + experiences.

What do you want to be known for?

It could be a combo of your wild ties and your ability to help men and women combat seasonal allergies without chemicals.

There is no limit here. And no right or wrong answer.  Simply determine WHAT you want to be known for and start acting as if you are already known!

Your Apollo/Ring finger can give you information about what form your spotlight takes and when you combine it with your other fingers, you can create a specific plan for communicating, marketing and building your reputation as a business owner.

Today though, make a proclamation and let us know what you want to be known for in the comments!

photo by: Casey David

The Power of I AM

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This week I’m reading Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book, Wishes Fulfilled.

He’s a really engaging teacher – because right up front he tells you that he’s been immersed in learning from some great sages and spiritual teachers (most of whom are not walking the planet at this time) and he takes the essence of their teachings – what’s really made a positive impact on him – and shares it with you and me and the millions of people who are called to read the book.

The core of Wishes Fulfilled is focusing on I AM.

As in, the name that God calls himself.

I AM has been a powerful identifying statement for me for more than 30 years.  I’ve immersed myself in the idea of I AM.

Yet, until I picked up this book I never made the connection between the DIVINE and the me that is I AM.  I was more hung up on the law of attraction – linguistic and visualization-ness.  Add in the Divine and you’ve got a pretty powerful – in fact – the MOST powerful tool you can possibly have for changing your life.

Think I’m exaggerating?

You don’t have to read the book – (although I highly recommend it) to start seeing change right here and right now.

Every time you think of yourself, your business, your relationships, your health or whatever it is you want (your bank account) and you start to berate yourself in any way or speak in terms of wishing to have or going to have  – swap it out to an I AM statement.

Worrying about your weight?

Try, “I am healthy and flexible” or “I am at my optimal weight – and fill in the number”

Repeat it.  In your head.  Play like a three year old and imagine what it feels like.  Imagination is key here — but it doesn’t have to be hard. Really – pretend you’re a kid again and just imagine. If you can’t visualize it, no worries.  Just sit with the idea of the truth.

After all, you are DIVINE and the DIVINE can do anything. In fact it is anything and everything good and love-driven.  So you being healthy – it’s already true.

When you start repeating it and imagining it and your monkey mind say, “hell no – I’ve got too far to go – it’s depressing – I’ll just have another cookie/beer/chip/steak,” gently smile, let yourself off the hook and go back to the I AM.

The more you do this – the more it takes hold in  your REAL mind – the Divine that is you.

I know – sounds simplistic. Most profound truths are, at least that’s what I’ve found.

Not necessarily easy – but just do it. for you.  And resist the temptation to tell all your friends what you’ve got going on – -because you know – they don’t necessarily get what you’re doing.  And they have their own stuff. And they just might try to rain on your parade.  That’s okay. That’s their stuff.

You – be you.  I AM your way to your highest version of you.  Because you are already perfect.