Category Archives: Personal Development

Do You Feel Like You’re Drowning? 6 tips for Getting out of the Deep End

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... Shervin ...

How to Get out of the Deep End

Have you ever felt like you’re drowning, figuratively speaking, of course?

Between the headlines, the deadlines, the traffic and the shoulds and expectations in our world, you’d have to be otherworldly to never feel overcome and overwhelmed. I’ve been told that even highly spiritual people are overwhelmed with grief, suffering and doubts from time to time. So clearly,  you’re not alone if  even monks and other spiritual leaders are not exempt.

Knowing that you’re in good company not-withstanding wouldn’t it be nice to spend less time drowning (or treading water) and more time at peace in your life?

Life, our most precious gift, can sometimes morph into feeling like a curse – your mental, spiritual, emotional and physical faculties sometimes seem to conspire to keep us curled up in the fetal position, afraid to move, and angry at the world (or the Universe, or the people with whom we share our lives!)

If you feel like you’re drowning, here are some tips to get out of the deep end and onto shore:

  • Find the source. Is this a physical situation, an emotional one, a spiritual one or a mental challenge? Locate where the despair is living and face it.  This means you’ll need to spend some time with yourself. This can be done sitting still (no TV, no phone, no computer, etc) or out in nature (no phone, no walking partner, no doggies, just you, yourself and Mother Nature).  During your stillness let whatever you’re feeling arrive.
  • Let go of judgment. Our egos love for us to judge our feelings. Ego (Edging God Out*) likes to keep you off balance and struggling – the better to “protect” you by keeping you at the status quo. As your feelings or thoughts or repetitive inner “tapes” crop up, resist the instinct to quash them or to argue with them or to give them more wood for the fire. Simply let the feelings show up and pass on.
  • Discover the truth. As the feelings occur and your need to judge them or own them takes over – ask yourself, “Is this true?”  For instance, you might tell yourself, “I’m an AWFUL daughter, my Dad is sick and I haven’t been to visit him, he must hate me.”   Is it true? Are you an awful daughter? What would that mean? Go deep with this exercise until you find the truth.
  • Create the life you want. In your mind for now. This is probably the most potent exercises my clients use to move from where they are to where they want to be. Here’s how it works – instead of focusing on what you don’t want, start clarifying how you want to feel in the new and improved situation. Perhaps you cannot take another day in the life-sucking job that is quite literally making you sick. Instead of pulling out the classifieds or logging onto the job hunting sites, start imaging exactly how you want to FEEL in the new job. Get clear on the types of people you want to interact with each day, and how it feels to be doing your work. Do you want to be challenged intellectually? What does that feel like?  Keep imagining the new situation and make it as real as you can – then you can start looking, trusting that the Universe is conspiring with you to make it happen.
  • Write down your wins. Most of us spend an inordinate amount of free time focusing on what is going wrong and how it tags onto everything that’s gone wrong in the past. Instead, spend at least 15 minutes before hitting the pillow tonight writing down the things that went right. This doesn’t have to be a flowery recap of gratitude if that’s not your thing. This can be a bullet point list of 5 things that went right. Here’s an example from my recent list: 1) The irises finally bloomed; 2) Tick-free dogs;  3) Client breakthrough (finally) on her situation; 4) Planning call with L regarding retreat – should be a blast; 5) Dad’s responding well to chemo.  I like to keep the list to five things and I like to keep it short.  This process can change the way you sleep at night!  Put it into practice now.
  • Surrender your need to be in control. This is tough. We like to feel like we’re in control. When we worry about outcomes it feels like we’re ‘doing something’ and ‘taking charge.’  Truth be told, we’re only wearing down our bodies with stress.  Whether you grind your teeth, press your tongue into the back of your teeth or tap your foot incessantly – you’re adding more pressure to your body. This can be relieved when you realize that the bravest and strongest thing you can possibly do is let go of your need to be in control.  Surrendering is actually the sign of strength and wholeness you’ve been looking for.

So when you feel like you’re drowning, remember there’s always a life buoy close at hand. Take hold and make your way to shore!

* The first time I head the phrase “Edging God Out” in relationship to ego is while reading Wayne Dyer’s Wishes Fulfilled.

photo by: Hamed Saber

The Power of I AM

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This week I’m reading Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book, Wishes Fulfilled.

He’s a really engaging teacher – because right up front he tells you that he’s been immersed in learning from some great sages and spiritual teachers (most of whom are not walking the planet at this time) and he takes the essence of their teachings – what’s really made a positive impact on him – and shares it with you and me and the millions of people who are called to read the book.

The core of Wishes Fulfilled is focusing on I AM.

As in, the name that God calls himself.

I AM has been a powerful identifying statement for me for more than 30 years.  I’ve immersed myself in the idea of I AM.

Yet, until I picked up this book I never made the connection between the DIVINE and the me that is I AM.  I was more hung up on the law of attraction – linguistic and visualization-ness.  Add in the Divine and you’ve got a pretty powerful – in fact – the MOST powerful tool you can possibly have for changing your life.

Think I’m exaggerating?

You don’t have to read the book – (although I highly recommend it) to start seeing change right here and right now.

Every time you think of yourself, your business, your relationships, your health or whatever it is you want (your bank account) and you start to berate yourself in any way or speak in terms of wishing to have or going to have  – swap it out to an I AM statement.

Worrying about your weight?

Try, “I am healthy and flexible” or “I am at my optimal weight – and fill in the number”

Repeat it.  In your head.  Play like a three year old and imagine what it feels like.  Imagination is key here — but it doesn’t have to be hard. Really – pretend you’re a kid again and just imagine. If you can’t visualize it, no worries.  Just sit with the idea of the truth.

After all, you are DIVINE and the DIVINE can do anything. In fact it is anything and everything good and love-driven.  So you being healthy – it’s already true.

When you start repeating it and imagining it and your monkey mind say, “hell no – I’ve got too far to go – it’s depressing – I’ll just have another cookie/beer/chip/steak,” gently smile, let yourself off the hook and go back to the I AM.

The more you do this – the more it takes hold in  your REAL mind – the Divine that is you.

I know – sounds simplistic. Most profound truths are, at least that’s what I’ve found.

Not necessarily easy – but just do it. for you.  And resist the temptation to tell all your friends what you’ve got going on – -because you know – they don’t necessarily get what you’re doing.  And they have their own stuff. And they just might try to rain on your parade.  That’s okay. That’s their stuff.

You – be you.  I AM your way to your highest version of you.  Because you are already perfect.

 

You Can’t be the CEO of Your Own Life if You’re Trying to be CEO of the World ~

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Who would you be if you weren’t taking care of everyone else?

This sense that we need to control the world is often referred to as co-dependence.  At least that’s what I’m told.

I’ve denied the co-dependent moniker my entire life. It just wasn’t me after all. I believe that people should live and let live. I’m turned on but the idea that we’re all doing the best we can with what we’ve got.

In theory.

In practice, I’ve been running around like some crazy air traffic controller – trying to direct all the lives in my orbit. What does that look like? Well, in my head, it’s a smooth stream of orchestration – war-gaming outcomes that will have the most positive effect on everyone else in my world, and by extension – the world at large.

For more than 40 years I’ve been trying to make someone I don’t even KNOW feel better about herself. I’ve been working hard to make everything okay for my birth-mom. Add to that my need to make my parents, siblings, friends, cousins, co-workers “okay” (whatever that is) and it because a pretty heavy bag to lug around.

The wild part is that I didn’t consciously accept this as my truth.

I’ve been spiritual journeying for a while now. I’ve been to the self-help section of the library and bookstore thousands of times. I’ve participated in the healing work and I’ve agreed to “Let Go and Let God.” So it didn’t enter my mind that I was on this control-freak mission to be the CEO of the world.

In the meantime, being CEO of my life took a back seat. So far back that if you asked me 3 months ago (as someone did) what made me happy, I’d look like a deer that was just asked to calculate Pi. I had no idea. the need to control things was disguised in my mind as my need to help others. You and I both know this is classic “healer penalty” stuff and I’d fallen right into the quicksand without a second thought.

That’s the thing about life – there’s always something new to learn if we’re able to get present.

Not being present is a great way to come up with excuses and duck out of our responsibility to ourselves.

I’m willing to keep up the journey to self-awareness and truth. Even when it knocks me for a loop. The thing is, whenever I clear this type of inner misunderstanding up – my outer world clears up too.

So I ask you – who would you be if you weren’t trying to be CEO of the World?

 

Do You Know How to Let Go of What Ails Ya?

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Ever have a run-in with someone that leaves you feeling cranky and unsettled?

That happened to me in the  hospital.

For the most part everyone I dealt with  was not only professional, but really likable. The nurses and techs knew that they were stellar at their jobs and they performed professionally and with a great attitude. I trusted them all implicitly and the entire stay was working it’s magic of healing.

Then, Louise (not her real name) arrived and rocked my boat.

Louise was one of the techs in charge of taking my vitals and dealing with other things like changing my IV.  Louise entered my room on full throttle – asking questions about the books I had in front of me, wanting to know who all the people were who were visiting and generally telling me all about her plans to create various businesses for herself.

It was exhausting and a true energy suck.

I have no doubt that Louise is a great human and that she meant well.  I was sick and frankly not in the mood for working to make her feel at ease. (In an earlier meditation during my stay, I made some peace with the idea that trying to make everyone else comfortable had contributed to my illness.)

I did my best to keep up with her patter but mostly just nodded as she cuffed me for a blood pressure reading and stuck a thermometer under my tongue.  My blood pressure was spiking.  She kept talking, telling me all about blood pressure and all that she knew about blood pressure and then asking me about starting a business.

I was exhausted when she left.

Later that night she arrived, with a bucket of gauze, needles and tape and announced she was going to change my IV. (I’d asked my nurse earlier about switching it out).

I’ll save you the details, but this process did not go well.

I was in pain and I was irritated.  I asked her to leave the IV as it was.

She left, frustrated.

I tried to sleep.

I was still irritated and angry about the whole situation.

I said a prayer asking for the peace I needed to release this situation.  I sent light and love as I did my best to mentally cut the cord that had me wrapped up in the frustration.

Still, I couldn’t sleep. I just couldn’t seem to let it go.

This went on for about 40 minutes when it finally occurred to me that the frustration would remain until I tuned into the lesson I was meant to learn.

So I focused on learning.

What could this situation with Louise possibly have to offer me?

“It’s about standing in your power.” said my Higher Self.

It made perfect sense.

Up until that moment I had dealt with healers of all ilks who were not only competent but confident in their contribution to my healing. They knew their stuff and they didn’t expect me to question their competency.  I trusted them implicitly to help me heal.

That’s what I’m supposed to do as a coach.  Stand in my power, knowing the stuff and being confident that what I offer is not only of value, but healing for those who come to me.

Lately though, I’d been like Louise, unsure of what I was doing or why and it was affecting my relationships with potential clients. I wasn’t standing in my power, I was trying to entertain and WOW and one-up, and prove myself.

The lesson for me was that I know what I know and I know how powerful the work is. That it stands for itself as it flows through me and I don’t need to do anything other than be fully present and competent and compassionate to make a difference in someone’s life.

Once I captured that lesson, I did another cord-cutting meditation.  Asking for peace for both Louise and myself and I let it go with light.

I slept easily after that and the next day when Louise was back on shift, things were much less tense.

Two really cool take aways came from that for me:

1) When there’s something you really are trying to release, but it won’t go away – go looking for the lesson

2) When you sign up to help others on their journey (spiritual, business, healing, etc.) do it confidently and from the place of love and joy. Stop worrying about proving yourself – it’s exhausting for everyone!

 

Miracles and Manifestation – Why doesn’t it work for me?

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A couple times a week I get an email from someone who wants to know what they’re doing wrong.

They’ve been on a spiritual path for a little while (anywhere from 3 weeks to 30 years) and they’re reading books, taking classes, learning various healing modalities and esoteric arts and they are doing what they believe is RIGHT.

Still, things aren’t where they want them to be.

Maybe that means they’re still in a job they hate, or they’re dealing with family members that won’t stop nagging them.  Maybe it’s a health issue or infertility or lack of love or lack of money.

Some days are better than others, and they are doing EVERYTHING they’re SUPPOSED to do to change things up and take responsibility and own it and be spiritual – but they are not seeing results.

To make it worse, they run into people throughout their travels who seem to say one prayer and voila! they get a really cool sign from the Universe that the prayer was heard and the tides are turning.

This makes my writers fume.

Sure, they feel guilty fuming, but still, the fume is there.  With a little underlying “why me?” and a decent shake of “God doesn’t love me, or I haven’t apparently earned peace, yet.”

Is it true?

Are there people who just “get” miracles and instant manifestation because they’re better, while the rest of us have more hoops to jump through (because we were made fundamentally flawed in some way?)

Think about it for a minute.

Now FEEL about it.

Does your heart tell you that there are people who are more than and others who are less than?

Not your head – your heart.

While you might be able to wrap your head around the idea that “hard work” is necessary for success, or even the idea that some of us are just naturally born at the back of the pack, your heart can’t fathom it.

Your heart is right.

What is true is that if you’re feeling ‘left out’ of the MIRACLE happenings – your head is running the show.  Your head has a list of what is an “acceptable” and an “Unacceptable” miracle.  Your heart sees everything as miraculous.

What most of us miss (oh boy, I’m guilty of this) is that miracles are occurring even when you’re not seeing shooting stars, or finding feathers or coins or whatever else you presume to the “sign” of your miracle.

Some miracles are in the space you’ve been left to find your way.  Sometimes not having something happen is the gift and manifestation.  Nothing happens without Divine timing.  Our timing is rarely Divine – and it’s almost always rushed and on a deadline.

The thing about miracles is that they are both everyday and Divine. Miracles happen in their own way and look the way they look (or sound the way they sound) without any direction from us.  Over time you might get more and more specific about your signs,  but your miracles occur when you RELEASE YOUR ATTACHMENT to how – how they look, how they show up; how they work.

Miracles are about LETTING GO.

The Miracle is your ability to let go.

Can you let go?

Can you find peace in the moment to lean into your heart’s desire?

I’m sure I’m not the only person to let you know that NOTHING outside of you will bring you peace or happiness.  However, you already have every single thing you need for peace and happiness.  It’s inside.  That’s the miracle.