Yearly Archives: 2010

Friendship

Leave a reply

December 16 – Friendship How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)

White Rose Interior
Creative Commons License photo credit: audreyjm529

This prompt, on the day marking the anniversary of the birth of my friend Kimmy.   46 years ago today she entered the world.  And we’ve known each other for 44 of those years as luck would have it.  We lived across the street from one another in Mahwah, NJ.  She at 10 Mohigan and I at 11.

I could look out my bedroom window and see into hers.

Friendships that are long-standing such as this (along with the third musketeer, Wendy, who lived on Mohawk) are cause for so much self-knowledge.  I’ve often been amazed at the things Kimmy reflects back to me – the memories and the deep understanding of who I am because of who I was.  She observed all that time together, whether we were fighting, cajoling, sneaking cigarettes or cutting class.

New friendships have surprised me this year.

I’m learning, after so very long, how to be at ease with other people.  To almost believe that one can be liked and understood, for no other reason than being themselves.  In years past I may have missed opportunities to connect, to truly savor friendship because I was worried.  Worried that I wouldn’t be enough or worse, that I would be too much – too full — too scared — too angry to sustain a friendship.

In 2010 I’ve learned to create a deep, abiding truce and friendship with myself first.  To observe what it means to accept myself for being enough.  To fill myself up and be.

It’s been a wonder, making these new friends this year.  Some new people appear on the scene and I feel that I’ve known them all my life and instead of thinking it would be too weird to make new friends at this age, I’m letting them know that I care, that I’m here to be a friend and have a friend.  This seems like something we ought to have learned, instinctively, as toddlers.  I don’t think I did.

Friendship has enhanced my life in 2010, and I’m so grateful for all the new friends and deepening friendships that have illumined my year.

I can’t wait to see what happens and unfolds and appears in 2011.

5 Minutes: #reverb10

Leave a reply

December 15 – 5 Minutes Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. (Author: Patti Digh)

Four Seasons - Longbridge Road
Creative Commons License photo credit: joiseyshowaa

This morning I cheated.

I snuck a look at the prompt for today.

Before I even had my boots on.

Before I zipped up my coat.

Before I wrapped a scarf around my head and placed a rag-tag, ungodly hat on top of my spiky, static-y hair.

Before the dogs were clipped into the collars and onto their leashes.

Before they took off to chase that fool squirrel from the front porch to the tippy-top of the tree — all the while howling and barking and pulling pieces of bark off that tree in an attempt to chop it down and capture, once and for all that fool squirrel, who sat, chattering and scolding down at us.

And now you’re thinking — well, good on ya for cheating, but clearly you didn’t come up with anything clever, even with all that extra time to plan your post.  You could be right.

Because I didn’t have an alarm with me on the walk.

And in five minutes what I want most to capture about 2010 – simple.

Simplicity.

The simple moment that my heart was in my throat and big, heavy drops made their way out of my eyes and dropped down my cheeks, for no reason other than – beauty.  awe. wonder. freedom.  love.

2010 was a year of deep emotion.

Tossing away so much.

Trying to make peace with my control-freak tendencies (WHY won’t everyone do things the way I want them to — which Patti Digh, today’s prompter writes about really eloquently in “Creative is a Verb” [my new go to life rulebook] when she talks about climbing a mountain and letting a barn be a barn)  Or maybe it’s in Life is a Verb.  Buy them both.  You’ll love me for recommending them. (Trust me, it’s good.  You should read it.  Hell, if you haven’t, tell me, I’ll get you a copy.)

Showing up and acting.  Instead of whining and waiting and hoping for one more morsel of information or one tiny nugget of knowledge, in 2010 I acted and I found reconnection with me.  The me that laughs and sings and dances in the leaves because they are there.

In five minutes, there’s another five minutes to remember.  Even if they are simply the ones of dressing for the bitter cold and finding a way to laugh through the shitty parts of life.

My heart grew in 2010.  And no amount of erasing time can take that away.

Appreciation – Making Your Heart Sing

Leave a reply

December 14 – Appreciate What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? (Author: Victoria Klein)

Appreciate.  Appreciate.  Appreciate.

So many things to appreciate and when you start to enumerate them or gush over them they become, what? banal? over stated.  over done.

In 2010 I’ve learned to appreciate the challenges.  The fights-against.  The inner arguments and the less-than-perfects.  All within myself.

In those moments of frustration and yelling and banging my head and fists against walls (literally and figuratively) I’ve managed to take some stock and learn something.  I’m an all or nothing gal.  I’m looking forward to living a full and vibrant and funny life – that includes me going all out and all in and that means sometimes getting angry and sanctimonious and snarly.  Because in those moments, I learn and I embrace and laugh more loudly.

I appreciate the quirks of being human, even when I most want to drop them from the top of the Empire State Building and watch them splatter along the sidewalks (with no one below of course — these are my quirks and I wouldn’t want them to hurt anyone else).

I appreciate all the other stuff too, of course, every day I appreciate more my sense of smell.  Leaning into a whiff of honeysuckle or rose during a brisk walk, the scent of mulchy, moldy, crunched up leaves and the crisp crackle in the woods as the pressure drops.

I appreciate knowing the energy is all connected, the wind, the heat, the cosmos — is wafting from me to you and back again.  That is pretty freaking awesometastic.

I appreciate hands. I’m grateful for the roadmap they’ve given me to compassion and clarity.  I appreciate the wonder they provide not just for me, but for everyone who steps into the land of the hand.  It’s so powerful and I’m in so much awe.

I appreciate making up words and the ability my brain has to take me on far-off-fantastical-journeys and then plop me back down on my butt at my desk.

I appreciate the clients that make my heart sing and I appreciate the balls I’m growing to clear out the lovely but not-heart-singing ones.  I truly appreciate clearing the clutter and muck in my life and my business and my heart.

I appreciate the ability to (finally) make friends and trust the process, without fear that they’ll abandon me, find another friend or find me annoying, clingy or odd. (yes, I’m all of those but I’ve learned true friends are okay with it all — I don’t need to fake it anymore).

As I  near the end of the year and the end of my 45th year, I can say that I appreciate me.

Twofer Monday

Leave a reply

Yesterday was Michael’s birthday — so I took a day semi-off from the computer.  Today’s post is actually a combination of 12/12 and 12/13 prompts from #reverb10.

December 12 – Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)


Oddly, the days I felt most integrated with my body were the two times I ended up needing medical attention.  Really.  Because each time there was a specific, very personal message to me, about my spiritual, medical and intellectual state that I had been, shall we say, avoiding.  Ignoring.  Wishing weren’t true.

The first time – the middle zone of my middle finger on my dominant hand was slashed in a freak Pampered Chef accident.  (it was a casserole dish, of their stoneware stuff  Apparently it had a hairline crack.  And 3/4 of it fell out of my hand.  Leaving me with 1/3 of the casserole thingy and eventually 6 stitches).

You know the Universal wisdom rocks — because if you want to really get a hand analyst’s attention — you know — destroy her hand.

It’s not that I hadn’t been aware of my issues around money, value and taking action to make them happen – it’s just that I thought if I sat on my arse and meditated and Secreted and BELIEVED then the money would appear.  Not likely.  After hemorrhaging the finger then the money process began to appear.  (and you know, I just wrote all this and realized that this accident happened in 2009, but clearly, I’m finally putting it to bed in 2010 – as I’ve now regained most of the feeling my finger).

The second time? in the Spring I could. not. move.  Every step was pain in my abdomen and girl parts.  This is NOT fun.  However, for various and sundry reasons I just thought this was part of “cramps” and I had to “suck it up” so as not to be a “sissified gal.”  I’ll save you the gory details (as if what I’ve shared isn’t gory enough) but suffice it to say there was a TON of 2nd Chakra and Martyr issues tied up there.

In both cases I’ve been more connected to my body – because of the beautiful and amazing tool, vessel and ship it is to get me where I am meant to go on my journey!

*********************************************************************************************************************************************

December 13 – Action When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? (Author: Scott Belsky)

Glad you asked.  My next step, clearing out all the people and potential clients who are not my best people (as Catherine Caine so elegantly describes it).

I’m done working with  or trying to woo people who are  not willing to take action.  The first sign of this?  People who want all kinds of information about hand analysis and the work I do, blowing smoke up my keester with things like “I’m totally going to sign up for this” but then aren’t willing to commit to a date or payment plan.  Or worse, they never return their prints.

Sure they’re afraid.  That’s their stuff.

And I’ve been really, too NICE in the “I totally get it” department.

I want people who are over-the-moon ready to work on getting where they want to go.

That’s not to say that I’ll be rude, disdainful or what have you with peeps I meet, but it just means, I’m not spending energy on people who are not ready. (And this isn’t about me judging people’s budgets, when you’re ready for something you really, really want, you find money — whether it’s for a class, a meal, a good bottle of vino or anything else your heart desires.  If learning your purpose and how to put it to work for you in a meaningful way isn’t a burning desire, I can’t help you.)

and I can’t help you if already know everything.  If you’ve already done “all the inner work” but just want to test the waters to see what I know, or what I do, or how you can do what I do without any introspective work or investment on  your part, I’m not your gal.

That’s the next step.

(Wow, that seems a bit harsh, but really, I’ve been addled long enough by people taking my time and energy that aren’t really willing to do the work and attribute value to my work.  I love hands.  I know what I do is crazy amazing out of the ballpark amazing and valuable and I want to work with people who get that. and only them.)

11 Things to Ditch

Leave a reply

#reverb10 Continues with …

December 11 – 11 Things

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

(Author: Sam Davidson)

1) playing small.  (this is a big one, and to be honest, I’ve found that spending less time on ‘the plan’ for eliminating and more time moving forward is the key to success)

2) 10 pounds.  Dr. Oz says that the first 10 pounds are the ones that make the biggest difference in our overall health, vitality and longevity.  How?  For me the simple formula is the best – eat less, move more (thanks Patti). For me that means logging my food and exercise every day.  And weighing myself every day. Sure it goes against conventional wisdom, but I’m an “it’s there so I’ll eat it” gal and this process helps me remain conscious of what I’m eating and why.

3) Irrational fears.  Okay, now that I wrote this, I realize that most fears are irrational.  So I’m going to do my best to banish them, by focusing on what’s real.  And talking to myself the way I would talk to a friend.

4) Comparisonitis.  I wrote about this in February of this year, so it’s more of a long-term goal.  In order to move forward and play bigger I need to stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.  Right?  How?  Really – your ideas are welcome.  The more out of the ordinary, the better please.  I have a sneaking suspicion that the more I focus on being myself and accomplishing my goals the less time I’ll have to obsess.  But that’s just a theory.

5) Inhumane food.  I’ve been working on this for two years now.  But I’m lazy (see #2) when it comes to food sometimes.  However, my inner guidance says that to be the change I wish to see in the world, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to be diligent.  I’m working on eliminating food that is raised, slaughtered and processed inhumanely.  No, I’m not ready to go vegetarian or vegan, and I’m okay with that.  However, it’s time to stop eating food that supports a crappy system.

6) Whining.  When I whine I’m giving more energy to the schtuff I don’t want or don’t like.  So it’s time to hunker down and start changing things or start focusing on more of what I want.  If I may toot my own horn here for a minute – I’ve made HUGE strides in this department over the past 10 years, but I’m no slacker – there’s always somewhere further to go.

7) Animal ignorance.  In 2011 I’ll be creating programs to help teach kids and their parents how to care for animals in a loving and humane way.  I’ll be contributing to causes who support this end and I’ll be volunteering my time where they’ll have me to help foster healthy relationships between people and animals.

8) Debt.  I know my debt collectors are happy to hear this, and they’re probably miffed that this is #8 on the list, but considering the hole that I’m starting in, I figure it’s as good a time as any to declare publicly that I’ll be ditching debt for good in 2011.

9) Clutter.  Oh my how clutter has been my friend.  I’ve spent 2010 clearing closets and drawers of clothes.  I’ve made headway on the stacks of paper and half-written stories surrounding my desk top.  I’ve freecycled, paper-back-swapped and sold more than 50 pounds of books, but still, there’s room to go.

10.)  Sleeplessness.  They say I have to banish the animals from the bedroom to accomplish this.  I’m searching for another way.

11) Rushing.  I’m rushing to finish this so I can race to the shower so I can arrive to teach my 11 am class in Old Town.  I’d like to end that once and for all.

Good prompt!